In love

I need to be cleaning. People are coming over and there are beds to be made and dishes that need to go in the dishwasher...but, you see, my baby just fell asleep in my arms and suddenly I don't care who sees my messy house because all I want to do is hold her tight and watch her dream.

The Story of Hunter

I sit here with you. You twirl your hair as your little body melts to mine. I feel peace. Peace and comfort. When it was time for you to join our little family, I should have felt anxious...I should've felt weary...I should've felt cautious. But all I felt was a calm sort of happiness.
"Honey, I think we should have another baby..." I looked up at your father.
He sighed.
He knew.

When it was time to take the pregnancy test, I didn't get upset that I was wasting yet another one...I knew. You were with me and you would stay.
When I got the positive, the worry began to set in, but time and time again, no matter how much my mind tried to get me to succumb to the fears of my heart...I felt peace instead.

So, as I think about you, my sweet boy, I think of peace. I think of love. The kisses, the cuddles you give make my heart sing. It makes me sad to think that someday soon, because whenever it happens will be.too.soon, you won't want to grace me with your precious little kisses. You won't try to use all of your strength to give me the biggest possible hug. But, Hunter...I will always be here. Waiting. When you need me, when you need comfort, you will never outgrow my arms and my lap. You see...
There's this boy who stole my heart...
He calls me mom.

The Story of Mikayla

I sat across from him in the restaurant's booth as he curiously opened my unexpected gift. It wasn't our anniversary. No birthdays. Then, as the layers of tissue paper unfolded to reveal our new secret, I watched as his eyes lit up with the promise of fatherhood.
"Really?" he said, his mouth curving up with a hint of an excited smile.
"I hope so" I quietly replied.
We were happy as we cautiously celebrated the news that night. You see, we knew that this was just the first step. We had lost a baby early in our pregnancy before, so we knew that we still had a long road ahead of us before we could continue on with our journey into parenthood. After we miscarried, I was devastated, but far from broken. It left me with an even stronger determination to find my baby.
This secret joy lasted a bit longer than the last time. This one ended at ten weeks.
I was tired and this time, I was broken.

Then we had a third miscarriage just days after finding out.

I kept working so we could get infertility benefits and we were now going through the steps to have an IUI. I went to work, spending hours on my feet and then drove to North Scottsdale every.single.day for two weeks to get ultra sounds in order to track the progress of the one...one...single, solitary little egg. Finally my body was ready. As the doctor set up the appointment for us to come in the next morning at 7 am for the procedure, he nonchalantly informed me that it probably wouldn't work.

I was beyond tired. My hope was now almost gone.
For me, getting pregnant had never been easy... but, Mikayla my dear,
I fought for you.
I had almost given up. Admitted defeat. But with one final prayer and an encouraging and comforting push from my Heavenly Father, I found strength to stand up and try one more time.

Then you were here, my sweet girl. So you see, Mikayla, you are my hope. When I look at you, full of life with your fiery spirit and your strong will...you are everything that hope is.
When all I wanted to do was give up, you whispered, "Please try it one more time."


Love,
Mom

As a mother of young children, I figure that I work, on average, 19 hours a day...for 7 days a week. By the time all of my kids are in school (11 years) I will have worked a total of 76,067 hrs. That equals 37 years of working a regular 40 hr/wk job. Boy, am I glad I love my what I do!!