This is for you mom!

Trend Setter

Never one to follow, here she is once again making up and following her own rules. Horizontal pink stripes with an oh-so-small Santa jacket (meant for a new born) wrapped elegantly around in lieu of a shawl adds just the right amount of pop. Accessories are key with her "matching" pink vinyl handbag and, of course, the cinderella shoes can't be ignored as they set the tone for her ensemble in shades of ice blue and silver. Watch out World...you will definitely see this on the catwalk next season!

Mean Mommy Moment

Here's a picture of my friend's little girl (isn't she cute!!) and Hunter. She's 3 months and he's almost 4 weeks -don't let this picture fool you. She's a lot taller than he is.

Okay..so I don't know if I'm supposed to say this (you'll know 1. that I am and always have been a big nerd and 2. how mean of a mom I really am). When I was about 8 years old, my grammy bought me a troll doll from the airport and I LOVED it. Well, some dumb kid stole it from out of my desk at school and I was absolutely heartbroken. So, one morning my mom asked if I could get something out of the pantry (clever thing) and I opened it up to find this little guy waiting for me:

I thought he was just the cutest little thing ever. Now, is it just me, or does Hunter look a teeny bit like this little guy? Of course, this is coming from the mom who thought her daughter looked like a mix between Alfred Hitchcock and Donald Trump:

(Luckily she got really cute by the time she was 5 months). I think they're adorable, but I do have my "mommy goggles" on.

You Never Know *updated

You don't know what you have until it's almost gone. Growing up, I always assumed that I would be a mom. I never gave it much thought, atually...that's just how it worked. Then, after Joel and I had been trying to have a baby for awhile- without success- it hit me that I might never have the chance to be a mother. That was a devasting thought for me. Now I didn't want to be a mom because that's what I was supposed to do, but because I wanted to feel that unconditional love. At first I felt like I was being cheated. However, I got my knees and then picked myself up and was determined to do whatever my Heavenly Father required of me to have children. I knew there was a child waiting to come down to our family and I couldn't dissappoint them (it's hard to explain how I knew this). Then, after my first miscarriage, I felt hollow as I watched all of my hopes and dreams being flushed away. Once again, I cried, got down on my knees, and then picked myself back up again. A few months later we were pregnant again. At 10 weeks I asked if I could get an ultrasound and my wonderful doctor obliged. My heart sank as the doctor explained that there was no heartbeat. I cried even more this time. I wondered if I should give up...maybe I wasn't meant to be a mom, or maybe I was supposed to take another route. So...once again I got down on my knees and then picked myself up once more. It was clear to me that I had to keep on this path...no matter how much it took out of me, with my Heavenly Father's help, I was able to come back even stronger. We had genetic testing done and found that we had something called "balanced translocation" (look it up..it's too hard to explain), because of this we would miscarry 60% of the time. I wasn't sure how to take this, but I knew there would be a lot of prayer. We then decided to have an IUI done (once again...look it up). It was an expensive and draining process. I had to go to North Scottsdale every day for 2 weeks- a lot of times after a long day of working. It was the night before the procedure and I was exhausted. I only had one mature egg and the chances were slim to get pregnant and high to miscarry. I had had enough. I called the nurse on call and told her that I would not be in the next morning for the IUI. Of course after I called I thought "hmmm...maybe I should pray about this first". So I knelt down and asked if I should do the IUI...I recieved an overwhelming feeling of "yes" and as tired as I was, I couldn't deny this. Resigned, I walked back into the kitchen, picked up the phone, and called the nurse back. That was how we got our beautiful little girl. I thought the worst was over. I had my child..she was healthy...what more could I want or even ask for? Little did I know that there was something much MUCH worse than infertility treatments and miscarriages.

We were able to get pregnant relatively easy with Hunter (and when I say relatively...I mean we did everything short of infertility treatments- no medicine or procedures). I had a little bit of a rollercoaster ride during the pregnancy with a little bit of spotting in the beginning, but all in all it was pretty easy going. Then we had him, and it was amazing. I was now the mother of TWO!! Me! Who would've thought. Then I got that awful, heart stopping phone call saying that my baby might have a terminal illness. He had only been here for a couple of weeks, but I already loved him much more than myself. I pleaded with the Lord to please let him be healthy. Take something, anything away from me, but please don't let him suffer. I cried more than I ever have. As we waited for the test and then the results, I knew I couldn't do it alone. This time it was too much for just me to handle. So not only did I get down on my knees...but I humbled myself and asked others to please join me (if you know me, you know just how hard this was for me). I will never be able to express just how much it means to me to know how much my little family is loved and how many people offered not only their prayers, but also love and service. Thankyou. Today I called the hospital for the results: he came back perfectly normal and healthy (and of course..once again I started to bawl!)!! I could seriously feel the weight of the World lift off of my shoulders andI felt like I could start living again. All the silly things I worried about before seem so trivial. My baby boy is healthy! I can't get over how relieved I feel. Now I truly know the meaning of blessed and I will definitely be celebrating this newfound outlook on life. You never know how much something means until it's almost taken away- not only the big things but also the litte everyday things like going to the park, hanging out with friends and their kids, not being worried about going to Target, or Disneyland. My family will definitely seize and celebrate each day to the fullest!!