Family Pictures 2012

Last year I entered a contest for Zeffler Photography and I won a free photoshoot!!!! They are awesome, check 'em out.

"Mommy."
"Yes, son?"
"I want to hug you, and kiss you, and hold you."
"I love that idea Hunter!!"

In love

I need to be cleaning. People are coming over and there are beds to be made and dishes that need to go in the dishwasher...but, you see, my baby just fell asleep in my arms and suddenly I don't care who sees my messy house because all I want to do is hold her tight and watch her dream.

The Story of Hunter

I sit here with you. You twirl your hair as your little body melts to mine. I feel peace. Peace and comfort. When it was time for you to join our little family, I should have felt anxious...I should've felt weary...I should've felt cautious. But all I felt was a calm sort of happiness.
"Honey, I think we should have another baby..." I looked up at your father.
He sighed.
He knew.

When it was time to take the pregnancy test, I didn't get upset that I was wasting yet another one...I knew. You were with me and you would stay.
When I got the positive, the worry began to set in, but time and time again, no matter how much my mind tried to get me to succumb to the fears of my heart...I felt peace instead.

So, as I think about you, my sweet boy, I think of peace. I think of love. The kisses, the cuddles you give make my heart sing. It makes me sad to think that someday soon, because whenever it happens will be.too.soon, you won't want to grace me with your precious little kisses. You won't try to use all of your strength to give me the biggest possible hug. But, Hunter...I will always be here. Waiting. When you need me, when you need comfort, you will never outgrow my arms and my lap. You see...
There's this boy who stole my heart...
He calls me mom.

The Story of Mikayla

I sat across from him in the restaurant's booth as he curiously opened my unexpected gift. It wasn't our anniversary. No birthdays. Then, as the layers of tissue paper unfolded to reveal our new secret, I watched as his eyes lit up with the promise of fatherhood.
"Really?" he said, his mouth curving up with a hint of an excited smile.
"I hope so" I quietly replied.
We were happy as we cautiously celebrated the news that night. You see, we knew that this was just the first step. We had lost a baby early in our pregnancy before, so we knew that we still had a long road ahead of us before we could continue on with our journey into parenthood. After we miscarried, I was devastated, but far from broken. It left me with an even stronger determination to find my baby.
This secret joy lasted a bit longer than the last time. This one ended at ten weeks.
I was tired and this time, I was broken.

Then we had a third miscarriage just days after finding out.

I kept working so we could get infertility benefits and we were now going through the steps to have an IUI. I went to work, spending hours on my feet and then drove to North Scottsdale every.single.day for two weeks to get ultra sounds in order to track the progress of the one...one...single, solitary little egg. Finally my body was ready. As the doctor set up the appointment for us to come in the next morning at 7 am for the procedure, he nonchalantly informed me that it probably wouldn't work.

I was beyond tired. My hope was now almost gone.
For me, getting pregnant had never been easy... but, Mikayla my dear,
I fought for you.
I had almost given up. Admitted defeat. But with one final prayer and an encouraging and comforting push from my Heavenly Father, I found strength to stand up and try one more time.

Then you were here, my sweet girl. So you see, Mikayla, you are my hope. When I look at you, full of life with your fiery spirit and your strong will...you are everything that hope is.
When all I wanted to do was give up, you whispered, "Please try it one more time."


Love,
Mom

As a mother of young children, I figure that I work, on average, 19 hours a day...for 7 days a week. By the time all of my kids are in school (11 years) I will have worked a total of 76,067 hrs. That equals 37 years of working a regular 40 hr/wk job. Boy, am I glad I love my what I do!!

The other day I went outside and took a walk around my backyard with Chloe. Joel was home and had opened the kitchen window up wide to let the cool crisp air in to fill our home with a little bit of spring. As I walked around, calming my sweet baby girl, I heard some of the most precious sounds. It made me think of what I really hear everyday.

At my home and at any given moment you might hear music thumping and kids giggling as we dance throughout the house.

You'll hear mommy make a fool out of herself as she sings at the top of her lungs.

Screams and shrieks as Mikayla and Hunter fight off the evil dragon (the mobile on the baby's swing) with their swords (foam noodles).

You may not think this is something that you could hear, but I promise that imagination does have a sound. It sounds like the sweet words of an innocent five year old as she tells a story or plans how to capture a fly. It's the various voices a little three year old gives to the mommy and baby as he pretends that his little bunnies are in fact very real.

Laughter. The deep, uncontrollable kind that comes from tickle fights. Laughter mixed with shrieks from being thrown in the air or twirled around. Giggles. Lots and lots of giggles. And yes, even the devious kind as the kids run secretively to their room.

Cheers from when they finally capture the fly and now they can finally have the pet fly they've always wanted.

Then, one of my favorites, the voice of my husband as he tells them he loves them. His voice as he reads them a story. His voice. Full of comfort and safety.

These sounds might not seem like much to most people, in fact they would probably run in the opposite direction as fast as they could. But to me, there isn't a song or lyric that could even come close to rivaling the symphony of sounds that makes my house a home.

Yes, of course there is whining, crying, and even yelling as we try to figure out this crazy life...but at the end of the day, the laughter and the sweet noises are all that remain as I try to lock them away for forever in my memory...even though I know it won't work...I still try.

25 Rules For Mothers of Boys

This is copied from Team Studer. I loved it so much that I had to share it with all of you. Enjoy!

25 Rules for Moms with Sons

Source: pre-schoolplay.blogspot.com via Tabitha on Pinterest

1. Teach him the words for how he feels.
Your son will scream out of frustration and hide out of embarrassment. He'll cry from fear and bite out of excitement. Let his body move by the emotion, but also explain to him what the emotion is and the appropriate response to that emotion for future reference. Point out other people who are feeling the same thing and compare how they are showing that emotion. Talk him through your emotions so that someday when he is grown, he will know the difference between angry and embarrassed; between disappointment and grief.

2. Be a cheerleader for his life
There is no doubt that you are the loudest person in the stands at his t-ball games. There is no doubt that he will tell you to "stop, mom" when you sing along to his garage band's lyrics. There is no doubt that he will get red-faced when you show his prom date his pictures from boy scouts. There is no doubt that he is not telling his prom date about your blog where you've been bragging about his life from his first time on the potty to the citizenship award he won in ninth grade. He will tell you to stop. He will say he's embarrassed. But he will know that there is at least one person that is always rooting for him.

3. Teach him how to do laundry
..and load the dishwasher, and iron a shirt. He may not always choose to do it. He may not ever have to do it. But someday his wife will thank you.

Source: offbeatmama.com via offbeatmama on Pinterest

4. Read to him and read with him.
Emilie Buchwald said, "Children become readers on the laps of their parents." Offer your son the opportunity to learn new things, believe in pretend places, and imagine bigger possibilities through books. Let him see you reading...reading the paper, reading novels, reading magazine articles. Help him understand that writing words down is a way to be present forever. Writers are the transcribers of history and memories. They keep a record of how we lived at that time; what we thought was interesting; how we spoke to each other; what was important. And Readers help preserve and pass along those memories.

5. Encourage him to dance.
Dance, rhythm, and music are cultural universals. No matter where you go, no matter who you meet - they have some form of the three. It doesn't have to be good. Just encourage your son that when he feels it, it's perfectly fine to go ahead and bust a move.

6. Make sure he has examples of good men who are powerful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity.
The examples of men with big muscles and a uniform (like Batman and LaMarr Woodley) will surround your son from birth. But make sure he also knows about men who kick a$s because of their brains (Albert Einstein), and their pen (Mark Twain), and their words (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.), and their determination (Team Hoyt), and their ideas (The Wright Brothers), and their integrity (Officer Frank Shankwitz), and fearlessness (Neil Armstrong), and their ability to keep their mouths closed when everyone else is screaming (Jackie Robinson).

7. Make sure he has examples of women who are beautiful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity
The examples of traditionally beautiful women (like Daphne Blake, Princess Jasmine, and Britney Spears) will surround your son from birth. But make sure he knows about women who are beautiful from the inside out because of their brains (Madame Marie Curie), and their pen (Harper Lee), and their words (Eleanor Roosevelt), and their determination (Anne Sullivan), and their ideas (Oprah Winfrey), and their integrity (Miep Gies), and fearlessness (Ameila Earhart), and their ability to open their mouths and take a stand when everyone else is silent (Aung San Suu Kyi).

8. Be an example of a beautiful woman with brains, determination, and integrity.
You already are all of those things. If you ever fear that you are somehow incapable of doing anything - remember this: If you have done any of the following: a) grew life b) impossibly and inconceivably got it out of your body c) taken care of a newborn d) made a pain go away with a kiss e) taught someone to read f) taught a toddler to eat with a utensil g) cleaned up diarrhea without gagging h) loved a child enough to be willing to give your life for them (regardless if they are your own) or i) found a way to be strong when that child is suffering...you are a superhero. do not doubt yourself for one second. Seriously.

Source: simplymontessori.blogspot.com via Terry-Anne on Pinterest

9. Teach him to have manners
because its nice. and it will make the world a little better of a place.

Source: swagbucks.com via Adriana on Pinterest

10. Give him something to believe in
Because someday he will be afraid, or nervous, or heartbroken, or lost, or just need you, and you won't be able to be there. Give him something to turn to when it feels like he is alone, so that he knows that he will never be alone; never, never, never.

Source: theberry.com via Chris on Pinterest

11. Teach him that there are times when you need to be gentle
like with babies, and flowers, and animals, and other people's feelings.

Source: heatherbeadles.com via Heather on Pinterest

12. Let him ruin his clothes
Resolve to be cool about dirty and ruined clothes. You'll be fighting a losing battle if you get upset every time he ruins another piece of clothing. Don't waste your energy being angry about something inevitable. Boys tend to learn by destroying, jumping, spilling, falling, and making impossible messes. Dirty, ruined clothes are just par for the course.

13. Learn how to throw a football
or how to use a hockey stick, or read music, or draw panda bears (or in my case alpacas), or the names of different train engines, or learn to speak Elvish, or recognize the difference between Gryffindor and Slytherin, or the lyrics to his favorite song. Be in his life, not as an observer but as an active participant.

Source: shanna-kaye.com via Shanna-Kaye on Pinterest

14. Go outside with him
turn off the television, unplug the video games, put your cellphone on the charger, even put your camera away. Just go outside and follow him around. Watch his face, explore his world, and let him ask questions. It's like magic.

15. Let him lose
Losing sucks. Everybody isn't always a winner. Even if you want to say, "You're a winner because you tried," don't. He doesn't feel like a winner, he feels sad and crappy and disappointed. And that's a good thing, because sometimes life also sucks, no matter how hard (as moms) we try to make it not suck for our kids. This practice will do him good later when he loses again (and again, and again, and again, and again.....) Instead make sure he understands that - sometimes you win - sometimes you lose. But that doesn't mean you ever give up.

Source: None via Emma on Pinterest

16. Give him opportunities to help others
There is a big difference in giving someone the opportunity to help and forcing someone to help. Giving the opportunity lights a flame in the heart and once the help is done the flame shines brighter and asks for more opportunities. Be an example of helping others in your own actions and the way your family helps each other and helps others together.

Source: data.whicdn.com via Meagan on Pinterest

17. Remind him that practice makes perfect.
This doesn't just apply to performance-based activities (like sports and music) but also applies to everything in life. You become a better writer by writing. You become a better listener by listening. You become better speaker by speaking. Show your son this when he is just young enough to understand (that means from birth, folks - they are making sense of the world as soon as they arrive), practice trick-or-treating at your own front door before the real thing. Practice how you will walk through airport security before a trip. Practice how you order your own food from the fast food cashier. Practice, practice, practice.

18. Answer him when he asks, "Why?"
Answer him, or search for the answer together. Show him the places to look for the answers (like his dad, or grandparents, or his aunts/uncles, or his books, or valid internet searches). Pose the question to him so he can begin thinking about answers himself. Someday, when he needs to ask questions he's too embarrassed to ask you - he'll know where to go to find the right answers.

Source: 1.bp.blogspot.com via Maegan on Pinterest

19. Always carry band-aids and wipes on you.
especially the wipes.

Source: babyhold.com via Katie on Pinterest

20. Let his dad teach him how to do things
...without interrupting about how to do it the 'right way.' If you let his dad show and teach and discover with your son while he is growing up, some day down the road (after a short period of your son believing his dad knows nothing), he will come to the realization that his dad knows everything. You will always be his mother, but in his grown-up man heart and mind, his dad will know the answers. And this will be how, when your son is too busy with life to call and chat with his mom, you will stay connected to what is happening in his life. Because he will call his dad for answers, and his dad will secretly come and ask you.

Source: familyfun.go.com via Kate on Pinterest

21. Give him something to release his energy
drums, a pen, a punching bag, wide open space, water, a dog. Give him something to go crazy with - or he will use your stuff. and then you'll be sorry.

Source: bleubirdvintage.typepad.com via Marybess on Pinterest

22. Build him forts
Forts have the ability to make everyday normal stuff into magic. Throw the couch cushions, a couple blankets, and some clothespins and you can transform your living room into the cave of wonders. For the rest of his life, he'll be grateful to know that everyday normal stuff has the potential to be magical.

Source: None via Tabitha on Pinterest

23. Take him to new places
Because it will make his brain and his heart open up wider, and the ideas and questions and memories will rush in.

Source: None via Anne on Pinterest

24. Kiss him
Any mother of sons will tell you that little boys are so loving and sweet. They can be harsh and wild and destructive during most of the day. But there are these moments when they are so kind and sensitive and tender. So much so that it can cause you to look around at the inward, reserved grown men in your life and think, 'what happens in between that made you lose that?' Let's try to stop the cycle by kissing them when they're loving and kissing them even more when they're wild. Kissing them when they're 2 months and kissing them when they're 16 years old. You're the mom - you can go ahead and kiss him no matter how big he gets - and make sure he knows it. p.s. (this one is just as important for dad's too).

Source: smallesthings.blogspot.com via Sherry on Pinterest

25. Be home base
You are home to him. When he learns to walk, he will wobble a few feet away from you and then come back, then wobble away a little farther and then come back. When he tries something new, he will look for your proud smile. When he learns to read, he will repeat the same book to you twenty times in a row, because you're the only one who will listen that many times. When he plays his sport, he will search for your face in the stands. When he is sick, he will call you. When he really messes up, he will call you. When he is grown and strong and tough and big and he feels like crying, he will come to you; because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious. Even when he grows up and has a new woman in his life and gets a new home, you are still his mother; home base, the ever constant, like the sun. Know that in your heart and everything else will fall into place.

Chloe Jane Nickle

Here She Is

*Warning~if you're a pansy and can't handle horror movies, don't read this post!...hahaha, just kidding. It wasn't that bad.

I went to the doctor that Wednesday, knowing full well that I wasn't dilated any further than the last visit. Knowing that I was going to go past my expected due date. Just knowing that I had plenty of time to finish all of the projects I had started for little miss Chloe's nursery. However, I was wrong. I had gone from a 1 to a 3 and my doctor asked if I'd like her to strip my membranes...now remember...I knew I was going to have her past my edd, so in my mixed up logic I thought that perhaps if she stripped my membranes I'd have a shot of maybe going into labor before the end of the year, so I said yes.

Have any of you experiences false labor? It's annoying. Especially when you're self pay and you know that if you go into the hospital to get checked out and they send you home it will cost you a pretty penny. That night, after my appointment, I started having this ridiculous false labor...contractions 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 15 minutes, 3 minutes...you get the point, so I didn't sleep a wink. It continued on like this throughout most of Thursday, but around 4 pm they started to get a little more regular at 5 minutes apart. "I think this might be it, Joel. Why don't we head to the hospital and wait around just in case they get closer together." (I don't know if you remember Hunter's story...but he was born 20 minutes after we got to the hospital...I didn't want to risk having my baby in the car).

Then, naturally, when we got there it went back to false labor. We decided to bag it and go back home. With my other two, my water broke so there was no guess work. This was frustrating to say the least. We got home, gave the kids their baths, put Mikayla in her jammies, and then...I felt what I thought was my water breaking, so I rushed to the bathroom only to discover that it wasn't water after all, but blood. A LOT of blood. I yelled for Joel...this couldn't be good. Then I had my stud of a husband rush me to the hospital where we met his parents (so they could take the kids). We got to the emergency room where they proceeded to take their sweet time asking me stupid questions while in my head I was screaming that I was bleeding and would someone please do something about it!!!!! We made our way to triage where I told her about what happened and she told me that it was just some bloody show....what?? Then she checked me and I was only at a 4...she told me if I didn't start to progress further I might be sent home. Okay...seriously? I was not going home only to stress about whether or not my baby was okay. I mean, c'mon, I'd only been there for like 5 minutes, how the heck did she know how fast I was progressing?? She came back a little while later and told me that I should walk around for an hour. After 40 minutes of walking my contractions where 2.5 minutes apart. I came back, she checked, and I was at a 7. I was tired and after 40 hours of no sleep and contractions, I didn't want the pain. I asked if I could see the anesthesiologist. Then when she came in I asked how much she would charge for an epidural. She told me and then said we'd have to wait for the results of some blood work first, I asked how long that would take, she told me 30 minutes and I simply said "okay", but I was thinking You want me to go through this for 30 more minutes?! Do you know what's going to happen in 30 minutes? I'll be almost finished with this whole thing! Then, knowing I was going to have to deal with going through transition without pain meds, I asked Joel to get me my book. I decided to concentrate on the story rather than the pain. I was reading when the anesthesiologist came back in and told me that she would give me a spinal block at no charge, but we still needed to wait for the results of the blood test. As she was talking, the strongest most painful contraction swept through me and I pleaded for there to be some way we could fore go the results so I didn't have to feel it any more. I continued to plead as my nurse put my legs in the stirrups and told me to push through the next contraction. Then my cries changed from wanting medication to "Please get.her.OUT!!" It hurt, I was exhausted, and I as soon as they placed her on my chest, I was in love.