Goodbye Sanity...

She doesn't move very often, but every now and then I'll get a tiny little nudge, or perhaps a miniature somersault and I can't help but smile just a little and say my hellos to the tiny person who is responsible for my ever expanding waistline.

I'm scared. Not for the delivery or for the money and not even for the extra years I have to wait before I can take a decent vacation. I must admit, however, that I'm a tad bit nervous for my sanity's sake. You see, I haven't really had a decent night's sleep in 5 years.

Five years? Surely your kids sleep through the night by now?? You might say. Sleep doesn't come easily to me...it never has, so imagine yourself laying down and finally drifting off to a peaceful slumber when suddenly you hear a bone chilling cry coming from your son's room. You jump out of bed half unconscious and run to console and comfort. When you get there you see that he is screaming with his eyes shut tightly, his body drenched in sweat...and you realize that there is nothing that you can do except for rub his back as he cries out in fear, breaking you heart with each scream. Finally, when he starts to calm down, you pick up his little body and as he clings to you and buries his head in the crook of your neck, you hold him tight and whisper "Shh. It's okay, mommy's got you." Over and over again until his sobs turn to whimpers and eventually he drifts once more into dreamland...one that is hopefully a much happier place.

Night terrors. It's the worst seeing your child scream out in fear as you sit idly by, not able to do a single thing about it. Also...I can't say that I enjoy falling asleep only to be woken up an hour later. So, I wait. I wait until about 11:30-midnight for him to cry. If hasn't cried by that time, there's a good chance he'll be okay.

Now, let's add Mikayla. Every night, at around 1, she crawls into bed with me. I lay there sandwiched between a 4 year old's flailing arms and a husband who I don't want to disturb trying desperately to get my aching body comfortable, turn off my mind, and go to sleep.

I manage. It's doable. But now add a newborn.

Please send your regards to my brain. I'm pretty sure it will be taking an extended leave of absence within a few short months.

*A few months ago when we got in the car to go somewhere (I forget where) Joel turned the car on and suddenly the radio was making an incredibly LOUD obnoxious sound (something was obviously wrong with it). The kids started crying- Mikayla got out and I ran around to get Hunter. I quickly got him out of his carseat and swooped him into my arms. He held me so tightly, his little hands clenched to my shirt, saying "I gotchoo! I gotchoo!" I must admit...my heart melted =)