Ruth Nickle

Once again I'm using this as a journal. I don't really want to talk about it, but I feel like it's something I need to document. Today started out really well. Mikayla and I made happy face pancakes (she was a huge help), then I actually managed to get all 3 of us bathed and ready for the day, and I picked up the house (yeah! all of the pine needles are gone!)...then I got a phone call from the pediatrician that went like this:

"Hello. this is Dr. A, is this Hunter's mom"

"Yep!" I reply cheerfully

"We just received the results from one of the tests that was taken at the hospital. It looks like Hunter tested positive for cystic fibrosis"

"Oh" what?!

"We need to do further testing to either confirm he has it or not"

"Oh, um...okay" I choke out.

"You have to do something called a sweat test. You get this done at either St. Joe's or the Phoenix children's hospital. We'll set up an appointment and then call you back"

It went on a little longer, but at this point I couldn't really say much due to my throat not permitting me to speak. Then I googled cystic fibrosis. Things like having an average life expectancy of 37 and life threatening infections just slapped me in the face. The newborn screen doesn't mean he has it for sure. We'll find out after the sweat test. You never expect that any of the tests they do will come back with a bad result...I never even paid attention to the tests that were being taken. My perfect little boy. My sweet, precious miracle might have to suffer and that is more than I can take right now...or ever take. I've been praying constantly that he in fact doesn't have this disease. I've been so blessed and have so much. Please, please take something away from me...just don't let my baby suffer. Please.

I don't really know what to think. But I'm scared.