Chloe Jane Nickle

Here She Is

*Warning~if you're a pansy and can't handle horror movies, don't read this post!...hahaha, just kidding. It wasn't that bad.

I went to the doctor that Wednesday, knowing full well that I wasn't dilated any further than the last visit. Knowing that I was going to go past my expected due date. Just knowing that I had plenty of time to finish all of the projects I had started for little miss Chloe's nursery. However, I was wrong. I had gone from a 1 to a 3 and my doctor asked if I'd like her to strip my membranes...now remember...I knew I was going to have her past my edd, so in my mixed up logic I thought that perhaps if she stripped my membranes I'd have a shot of maybe going into labor before the end of the year, so I said yes.

Have any of you experiences false labor? It's annoying. Especially when you're self pay and you know that if you go into the hospital to get checked out and they send you home it will cost you a pretty penny. That night, after my appointment, I started having this ridiculous false labor...contractions 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 15 minutes, 3 minutes...you get the point, so I didn't sleep a wink. It continued on like this throughout most of Thursday, but around 4 pm they started to get a little more regular at 5 minutes apart. "I think this might be it, Joel. Why don't we head to the hospital and wait around just in case they get closer together." (I don't know if you remember Hunter's story...but he was born 20 minutes after we got to the hospital...I didn't want to risk having my baby in the car).

Then, naturally, when we got there it went back to false labor. We decided to bag it and go back home. With my other two, my water broke so there was no guess work. This was frustrating to say the least. We got home, gave the kids their baths, put Mikayla in her jammies, and then...I felt what I thought was my water breaking, so I rushed to the bathroom only to discover that it wasn't water after all, but blood. A LOT of blood. I yelled for Joel...this couldn't be good. Then I had my stud of a husband rush me to the hospital where we met his parents (so they could take the kids). We got to the emergency room where they proceeded to take their sweet time asking me stupid questions while in my head I was screaming that I was bleeding and would someone please do something about it!!!!! We made our way to triage where I told her about what happened and she told me that it was just some bloody show....what?? Then she checked me and I was only at a 4...she told me if I didn't start to progress further I might be sent home. Okay...seriously? I was not going home only to stress about whether or not my baby was okay. I mean, c'mon, I'd only been there for like 5 minutes, how the heck did she know how fast I was progressing?? She came back a little while later and told me that I should walk around for an hour. After 40 minutes of walking my contractions where 2.5 minutes apart. I came back, she checked, and I was at a 7. I was tired and after 40 hours of no sleep and contractions, I didn't want the pain. I asked if I could see the anesthesiologist. Then when she came in I asked how much she would charge for an epidural. She told me and then said we'd have to wait for the results of some blood work first, I asked how long that would take, she told me 30 minutes and I simply said "okay", but I was thinking You want me to go through this for 30 more minutes?! Do you know what's going to happen in 30 minutes? I'll be almost finished with this whole thing! Then, knowing I was going to have to deal with going through transition without pain meds, I asked Joel to get me my book. I decided to concentrate on the story rather than the pain. I was reading when the anesthesiologist came back in and told me that she would give me a spinal block at no charge, but we still needed to wait for the results of the blood test. As she was talking, the strongest most painful contraction swept through me and I pleaded for there to be some way we could fore go the results so I didn't have to feel it any more. I continued to plead as my nurse put my legs in the stirrups and told me to push through the next contraction. Then my cries changed from wanting medication to "Please get.her.OUT!!" It hurt, I was exhausted, and I as soon as they placed her on my chest, I was in love.

Color Confidential

Major dilemma...I'm talkin' huge. What colors should I use for the nursery?? I have less than three months until d-day and I'd like to at least get a start on the nursery.

Red and Aqua:


Orange (more of a muted peachy orange) with aqua:


Pink, Cream, and Yellow:

Bento Box/ Muffin Tin Kids Lunch

I saw the cutest lunch idea for kids the other day: Bento boxes! They were adorable! But when I went to the store to buy the tupperware I couldn't find them. Instead, I found muffin tins at the local DollarTree (I'd seen the muffin tin lunch ideas before, but I thought the bento boxes were waaay cuter...oh-well).

My kids are p.i.c.k.y. with a capital P, and they can't have very much sugar or heavily processed foods (don't ask...it's a long story) so getting them to eat is a definite challenge. To get them to at least try all of the healthy food, I decided to wrap a surprise treat that they could only open after they had finished the rest.

*animal crackers *Plain Greek yogurt with a little manuka honey and sprinkles *no sugar added apple sauce *PB&honey sandwich *Surprise (half a granola bar)
*Green Machine juice

We had a great afternoon lazing on the back patio having a nice picnic, feeling and watching the baby kick. And now they're outside...coloring all over themselves with what I hope is washable marker.

Thirty. The big 3-0. It's not a big deal...nooope. No big deal. Nada. I'm totally fine with it. Totally. Really, I am. That is if you considering me throwing the ultimate tantrum and screaming "Why, oh why am I getting older?" as I drown my sorrow in a gallon of icecream, donuts and chick flicks "fine"...then yes, I'm totally fine.

However, there is a teensy thing bothering me. I didn't accomplish either of the goals I set for myself. I didn't have tons of them...just 2:
1. To own my home free and clear. Well, the economy kind of took a toll on that goal. That's okay. Stuff happens.
2. To write a book (something I've been working on on and off of-well...mostly off- for the past 4 years) .

Here's where my dilemma comes to play: I have very limited spare time, so do I work on something that's been a dream of mine, even when I know that the chances of getting published are slim to none. Or, do I do something that I like (photography) that doesn't pay all that much (but a little is better than nothing!) and put aside writing the book.

You see, I don't have much time to decide because once baby #3 arrives, I doubt I'll have any spare time for writing, but before baby arrives (now) is the season for family pictures. Am I wasting my precious spare time by doing something that makes me happy...even if it doesn't bring in money?

What you gon' do with all that junk?

(I'll post preggo pics tomorrow...I can't figure out how to get the pics of my hubby's new camera..which since I'm a photographer I probably shouldn't admit that...)

I'm almost 26 weeks now and I'm feeling a bit...um huge (it doesn't help that my dear sweet husband likes to add sound effects every.single.time I bend over).

"You're not fat, you're pregnant!" Yes. Yes, I am...but there's not a baby in my behind.

I don't know when it started, this obsession with finding our faults and our flaws. Having contests with other girls to see who wins for the worst self-image. It's a cycle: someone insults themselves and you can't say "Whoa, yeah...I totally see what you mean. You're butt has gotten a lot bigger since the last time I saw you!" so instead you say. "What?? That's nothing. Have you seen the bags under my eyes? And these wrinkles! Don't even get me started!"

Well, if you're looking for flaws, you'll find 'em. If you keep pointing them out over and over (and over and over) then pretty soon that's all you'll see. That's how it was for me. Years and years of focusing on flaws instead of seeing the original beauty has taken a toll, but I'm not only affecting my self-image...but my daughter's as well.

I was having a particularly bad day filled with self-deprecation when I came across this blog article. Amazing. I love it. Read it.
Cardigan Empire

Did you read it? Yes? You're welcome.
Don't be hatin'. Love who you are. If you're scarfing down the cookies, then don't complain about it when it hits your rump. If you have healthy eating habits then embrace your bootiliciousness. And wrinkles? Me? Oh, no, no...I don't have any of those. I just have proof that I love to laugh ;)

(I bet you have the song stuck in your head now, huh? I don't think you're ready for this jelly, I don't think you're ready for this jelly, 'cause my body's too bootilicious for ya babe!)

DIYADD

I have DIYADD. What? I just made that up? Oh, no..I can assure you it's real (just ask my husband). I look around my house, get annoyed that it's not how I want it and frustrated because we don't have the cash for what I want. So, what do I do? I see all of these great DIY projects that I can do (never mind the fact that I have two crazy-bored kids and I'm so tired all.day.long that I can barely keep my eyes open let alone pick up a hammer). I get so excited and psyched, I go out and buy what I need and then another project catches my eye (squirrel! That's for you, Olivia). So, here's my list, let's see how much of it gets finished before baby arrives!!

Kitchen:


Mikayla and Hunter's room:


Reupholster chair:


Make some frames:


Baby Nursery and crib bedding:


And then of course, I have all of the Holiday crafts and decor...but I'll save that for another post!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

Goodbye Sanity...

She doesn't move very often, but every now and then I'll get a tiny little nudge, or perhaps a miniature somersault and I can't help but smile just a little and say my hellos to the tiny person who is responsible for my ever expanding waistline.

I'm scared. Not for the delivery or for the money and not even for the extra years I have to wait before I can take a decent vacation. I must admit, however, that I'm a tad bit nervous for my sanity's sake. You see, I haven't really had a decent night's sleep in 5 years.

Five years? Surely your kids sleep through the night by now?? You might say. Sleep doesn't come easily to me...it never has, so imagine yourself laying down and finally drifting off to a peaceful slumber when suddenly you hear a bone chilling cry coming from your son's room. You jump out of bed half unconscious and run to console and comfort. When you get there you see that he is screaming with his eyes shut tightly, his body drenched in sweat...and you realize that there is nothing that you can do except for rub his back as he cries out in fear, breaking you heart with each scream. Finally, when he starts to calm down, you pick up his little body and as he clings to you and buries his head in the crook of your neck, you hold him tight and whisper "Shh. It's okay, mommy's got you." Over and over again until his sobs turn to whimpers and eventually he drifts once more into dreamland...one that is hopefully a much happier place.

Night terrors. It's the worst seeing your child scream out in fear as you sit idly by, not able to do a single thing about it. Also...I can't say that I enjoy falling asleep only to be woken up an hour later. So, I wait. I wait until about 11:30-midnight for him to cry. If hasn't cried by that time, there's a good chance he'll be okay.

Now, let's add Mikayla. Every night, at around 1, she crawls into bed with me. I lay there sandwiched between a 4 year old's flailing arms and a husband who I don't want to disturb trying desperately to get my aching body comfortable, turn off my mind, and go to sleep.

I manage. It's doable. But now add a newborn.

Please send your regards to my brain. I'm pretty sure it will be taking an extended leave of absence within a few short months.

*A few months ago when we got in the car to go somewhere (I forget where) Joel turned the car on and suddenly the radio was making an incredibly LOUD obnoxious sound (something was obviously wrong with it). The kids started crying- Mikayla got out and I ran around to get Hunter. I quickly got him out of his carseat and swooped him into my arms. He held me so tightly, his little hands clenched to my shirt, saying "I gotchoo! I gotchoo!" I must admit...my heart melted =)

Two?

When you only have two children, you get asked quite a bit "So...when are you having another one?" or "How many kids do you want?". Joel and I would answer without a second thought or hesitation "Two."

It's true, there was a time when I had a little niggling at the back of my mind, asking me to think about it more. I did...I asked Joel if he was sure. He told me each time, before I could even finish the thought that he didn't want any more children. Soon- after the tantrums, the sickness, and the whining-I realized that I was almost out of the two year old, diaper, devil child phase... and I was so happy! I didn't have to go through waking up at all hours of the night trying to soothe a crying baby. As soon as Hunter was potty trained...that was it! No.more.POOP! I was right on board with Joel. We could afford to go on trips around the globe with our family (in the future) and go to Broadway shows, or baseball games, etc. It was the right choice for our family. My sister even asked me once if I felt jealous or guilty when I saw other women getting pregnant. I could honestly say "No...not even a little bit."

There was another time, when we were driving to Snowflake and I saw a license plate that read "Ruby." I thought (as most girls do when they see a cute name) "hmm, Ruby. I like that. If I were to have a girl, maybe we'd name her that. Yeah, right. It would probably be a boy anyway." Then, out of nowhere and clear as day I heard "No. You have a girl. Her name is Chloe." I laughed out loud. Joel asked what was so funny. I told him....he did not think it was funny and he was not amused. I dismissed the crazy thought.

Joel and I were careful. We had issues having children and I figured that infertility had to be good for something...right? I think you know where this is headed: we're pregnant. With a girl. Her name will be Chloe.

It took a little while and a complete reverse in our thinking, but we are now so incredibly happy! Sometimes the Lord has other plans. Sometimes you think you know what you want but in actuality, you need a little help realizing what true blessings really are.