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(This picture was taken years ago!)

In case you don't know me, let me just tell you that I am not ushy-gushy (well, unless you're talking about a book...then I say the more mush, the better!).I'm pretty sure this is the reason for my lack of saccharine on this blog. Don't get me wrong, my heart is melted several times a day by the innocent musings of a one year old and a three year old. For example, I crack up every time Hunter attempts to balance himself on one foot as he slowly tries to guide his other tiny foot into my 4 inch heels, then proceeds to wobbly walk down the hall with both arms up, looking quite like a little monkey, his instability continually threatening his composure. Or when my beautiful daughter and I lay down on the couch together for quite time, she puts her forehead on mine, squeezes my cheeks together and then gives me a huge crooked smile; I've never seen a bigger smile than hers. Then she wraps her little arms around me, cuddling close as we continue to watch our movie. No, I'm not a gushy person or a mom that incessantly talks about the pride and joy of being a mother (I'd be talking all day if I did that!haha, j/k!). My kids don't necessarily put on huge displays full of lollipops and kittens, but they give me little tastes throughout the day making me wonder how on Earth I ever lived without these rays of sweet beauty in my life before.

This week I'm going to make it a goal to post about those little things instead of focusing on the "other" stuff. Sometimes I find that I need to redirect my focus.

Art that means something

I love interior design. Anything pretty just makes me smile! Well, I was watching HGTV awhile ago, and I noticed that all of the accessories they had, while pretty, were totally and completely useless. They had no symbolism, no importance, no special meaning...just bits and pieces of expensive, pretty eye candy. Well, I am a cheap woman...so when I buy something I want it to be something that not only is aesthetically pleasing, but also makes me happy because it represents something I hold dear. Well, they don't sell personalized artwork at the store (especially art that has my family in it), so I smooshed everything I love together and here's what I came up with! I've printed it out on canvas and I love it!



Let me know if you want me to make one for you!

Too Much Information

I find myself thinking about motherhood a lot lately. It is by far the hardest job I think that I could ever imagine. Not only because of the hours (although they are brutal), not only because of the lack of sick days and vacation time (which is zero. Most likely if you are sick, so are your children. So on "sick days" you have to actually work harder. The same goes for vacations...the extra work it takes to make everyone happy and to have everyone fall asleep and stay asleep in a hotel is a nightmare...and the drive...oh, the drive. I shudder just thinking about going on "vacation"). It's also the eternal perspective; it's my job to make sure these little ones grow to be good people. That they try to make righteous choices. I am the farthest thing from baby hungry one can be. I am TIRED all of the time. My "me" time consists of sitting in a dark room on a hard chair on my computer while itunes plays Mikayla her lullabies because she has to have mommy there. It wouldn't be so bad, except my bum starts to fall asleep after the first half hour. There is crying and whining....lots and lots of whining. Tantrums and games where dropping food and chucking sippy cups to see how many times mommy will fetch, fill my day. No, I am definitely not baby hungry. Then why...why when I see a necklace filled with numerous charms engraved with children's initials do I feel like someone's missing. Like I have charms on my necklace that are blank. No, I don't want more children, but I'm wondering if this feeling will go away...and if years down the road I will weep because I looked into the future and instead of trying to see what would be the best thing, I pushed through to see what I think I want: sleep, travel...things like that. No, I don't want more children, I have two happy healthy blessings. I couldn't risk having a child who isn't healthy. But in my mind's eye I see those blank charms, and my heart breaks just a little.

You want a hair WHAT?

Who ever knew you could have so much anxiety over someone else's haircut? Well, those of you who have seen Mikayla lately have probably noticed that her hair looks a teensy bit like a rats nest...she doesn't let me get within a 50 foot radius of her with a brush. So, this morning I told her that she could either let me do her hair or she could get a haircut ,"they're going to chop it all off!" I warned....she chose the haircut. So, I called up a salon/spa that donates hair to locks of love and set up an apt. for that night.

We had an awesome girls night out. First we went to go see the movie "How to Train Your Dragon" {she has a big dragon that she LOVES, so it was fun for her to actually see it in a movie!}. It was her first movie in a theater, so of course we loaded up on popcorn, blue icees, and chocolate! Then we headed over to Dolce's {the salon} and got to business. After I was done hyperventilating, we walked in and she was so well behaved as her lovely curly locks were hacked off. I may or may not have teared up...

{Just so you know...it won't look this cute on a daily basis. I can't do hair!}

Apoptygma Berzerk

{I wish I was that brave!!}

I had forgotten how much I missed standing in the front row, inches away from the lead singer and feet away from the rest of the band. I had forgotten how much I love rocking out and singing as loudly as I can with the band and the rest of the audience. I forgot how awesome a really good concert is and how it invigorates me. Unfortunately for the rest of my family, I've been listening to the music non stop because I don't want to let that feeling go.

Joel and I (along with his brother and his wife) went to an Apoptygma Berzerk concert on Tuesday night, er...actually Wednesday morning. We started by meeting the band at Hot Topic Tuesday evening, then we went to The Yardhouse, then we shopped around a little bit at the mall, and then off to The Sugarbowl. After that we headed to the concert. It was an insanely small location. The first band was supposed to go on at 9, but finally went on at 9:45...then we had to stand through 3 opening bands (I got up front on the last opening band to make sure I was up front for Apop. It was SOOO worth it!). They finally went on at 12:45 (I was soooo tired at this point, feeling every bit my age, but as soon as they came on I woke right up with energy to spare). The stage was only a foot off the ground and the lead singer was seriously right above me, inches away (if I didn't respect personal space, I totally could've been all up in his business). Everybody was dancing and singing, it was such a rush! It had been 4 years since my last concert...I hope it's not another 4.

Have you ever had an incredibly embarrassing song stuck in your head that you happen to sing just a little bit of to your daughter while your buckling her into her carseat? And then when you're at Target she belts it out as loud as she possibly can?

Yeah...me neither.

St. Patrick's Day

What do I think about when I think of Ireland? I think of all the rich history. Their determination to not only rise when they fell, but to fight back and overcome. Unfortunately, this view of Ireland has been tainted somewhat by its current inhabitants (nobody I know personally). I've recently heard some of them mock how Americans claim to be Irish because their "dad's great uncle's dog was from Ireland". It's not necessarily Ireland we're proud of, but the spirit it represents. Being American, we definitely possess the essence of rebel freedom. Fighting to rise above, not only defeating but becoming better. I am a proud Daughter of the Revolution, and my family and I will always celebrate the 4th of July with pride, but I don't think there's anything wrong with celebrating our deeper roots as well.
THAT SAID, here's what we did!

I made homemade soda bread, Steak and Guinness pie, green mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, and brownies frosted to look like the Irish flag. We went over to our friend's house to eat and hang out. All in all, it was a pretty good day!

{Oops! I took the picture upside down...sorry it looks funny}

I Shouldn't Admit This

Ya know...I used to be able to contribute to a conversation. I used to be able to tell a good story, or maybe even a joke or two. Now, I wouldn't go so far as to say that I was "funny", but people would at least indulge me by laughing at my attempts anyway.
Bragging? No. You see, this is something that most people can do. However, I've now found that years of stippled conversation has taken its toll on me and now I'm left with saying such things as "yadda, yadda" and stumbling over my words, trying to get a complete sentence out.

Here is a teensy example of my daily conversations (which usually take place while I am on the phone):
"I was talking to Joel about {Mikayal, you stop that right now} maybe going to {I said STOP stepping on your brother's head!} Ireland! Wouldn't that be {Do I need to send you to time out!!} so much fun?!"

Now imagine that same conversation when I am kid free:
"I was talking to Joel about....umm....uh, maybe going to Ireland. I found a great deal on tickets, my mom could watch the kids, yadda, yadda, yadda...wouldn't that be so much fun?"

Then, to top it all of, not only can I not speak like a normal, sane adult...but I've also been saying the strangest things at the most awkward times:
Friend- "I recently went to a funeral where the preacher said some really harsh things to the grieving family in front of the whole congregation (I'm omitting the actual event...just in case)"
Me...feeling awkward and wanting to change the subject- "When I was a teenager I wanted to have a pink casket and be buried in my studded belt and skate shoes." (who.says.that?!?!)
All eyes turn to me.
Friend -"Um, so this place is really fun! We should definitely come here more often."
(and by "we" I'm pretty sure she meant everyone but the psycho who thinks about the details of her funeral).

What is the moral of this embarrassing story? I desperately need to have more adult conversation. I think it's a mix of being nervous around adults who aren't challenged in this department, not being around other adults very often (or at least without kids), and not being able to have an uninterrupted conversation.ever.

Joel~see...I need to have more girl's night out. It's imperative to my mental health. seriously.

Let the Countdown Begin

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